Friday, February 22, 2008

Story excerpt from a writing exercise

This was a writing exercise I did some time ago. I like the idea, but it still needs a ton of work, not to mention it's unfinished.

Tonight we needed to get the vamp that had been killing people away from his target. Not an easy task, but we were not without resources. I managed to locate him, sitting near the back of the theater. It was Jacob’s job to try and convince the other people sitting nearby that they really wanted to move. A spell of compulsion he called it. It would make everyone want to leave. They wouldn’t really notice it though. They would think they needed to get a drink or use the restroom. He would also provide a cover for our exit so that anyone left in the room would be less likely to notice any of us.

Ian would make sure the lights stayed low and the movie kept playing, and he had given us all a discreet two-way radio ear bud so that everyone could talk to each other. I might be able read their minds, but they couldn’t read mine. Ian usually stayed in the van, but since this guy had killed so many so quickly, we needed him inside for additional backup.

Tony was in charge of making sure our vampire couldn’t easily exit. He was ready to move any obstacle he could and was able to keep the doors from opening. He and Jacob were the ones that would actually be apprehending our vamp. They both had the physical strength, but Tony also had the benefit of the metaphysical strength. We figured we could get him contained while his date visited the rest room. Once she returned, we’d all be gone. At least that was the plan. I needed to pay attention to the minds of everyone else around and make sure we weren’t making too big of a scene.

Everything was going as planned, I had gotten a small tub of popcorn to fiddle with and picked a seat high enough up to see most of the theater but far enough from our target that he wouldn’t notice me. I just needed to avoid reading him. If he felt me in his head, he might bolt and our plans would be ruined. Jacob was starting to work his spell when I felt the presence of a very powerful vamp coming into the theater. I whispered to everyone, “Hold on a second, guys. We have company.”

I silently watched as a tall, blonde man entered the east side of the room, and I felt his power flow out from him in a gentle wave. I couldn’t help but notice how his black jeans hugged his hips and thighs. I could feel myself getting hot just watching him. He was wearing a black silky shirt with the top several buttons undone, exposing a pale, muscled chest that made me want to reach out and touch him. My body had never reacted to a man the way it was reacting to him. Even guys I had fooled around with, and he was across the room! I watched in amazement as the theatergoers all fell asleep, with the exception of me and the other vampire.

My partners were all out cold. I slowly let out the breath I had unknowingly been holding and studied the new arrival from half closed eyes. He was gorgeous! My heart was racing as I tried to control my overactive libido. He had long blonde hair that was pulled back at the nape of his neck. I wondered how it would feel to run my fingers through the long golden waves of his hair. Whoa! I must be out of my mind! I’m in the middle of a job and based on what he just did to a theater full of patrons, he could be one of the most powerful vamps in town, and here I am, day dreaming about him.

I couldn’t resist continuing my appraisal as he looked up the stairs to the vampire we had been hunting. His eyes narrowed a bit and the other guy just calmly stood up and began walking towards him. He didn’t seem to want to. It looked like he just couldn’t refuse to come to him. I had never seen a vamp use a power over another vamp before and my mouth fell open in amazement. There wasn’t anything about this kind of power at training. I’m not sure anyone else had ever even seen it before.

Suddenly, the new guy swung his head around and looked directly at me. My slight movement had evidently been enough for him to notice me, and the fact that I was still awake. “Damn, I’ve been made,” I whispered softly. I thought he looked surprised to see me, but I was completely unable to read his thoughts. I wasn’t waiting around to see what he would do to me. I dropped the popcorn and fled out the exit closest to me.

As I pushed open the door, I heard a soft voice in my head, “Wait, I won’t hurt you.” I stumbled from the shock of hearing someone else in my mind and I knew it had to be him, I glanced back at him, but he hadn’t moved. I shook my head, “I don’t believe you,” I whispered and saw a slight frown appear on his lips. Nice lips they were too.

I ran out through the corridor of the theater and into the shopping mall. I paused briefly to see if I could feel him behind me, but I felt nothing. I hoped he had his hands full enough with the bad vampire we had been after, but I wasn’t placing bets that he was going to let me get away.

Our training at the academy had been clear. Never let them know you exist. If you have to fix a vamp problem, you have to kill the vamp. It was too easy for them to control you. And if they got you, you could expect them to either kill you or turn you into one of them. Neither option was terribly appealing to me.

As I replayed all that in my head I wondered why I hadn’t been affected by the sleep like the rest of the room had been. As far as I knew, I was just as vulnerable to their powers as anyone else. I might have some warning before I got sucked in since I could read their thoughts, but then, that’s only if I knew they were there to read their thoughts to begin with.

He had been confident that everyone was asleep when he entered. He hadn’t even looked at anyone other than the vampire we were after. I could tell he had been surprised that I was still awake, and he evidently was interested in finding out why his little spell had failed. I was curious too, but not enough to stay and chat about it with him. Next time I might not be so lucky.

I walked the length of the mall and entered a department store to kill some time. I just wanted to wait a few minutes for things to quiet down back at the theater. Or liven up, depending on how you look at it, since the theater was sound asleep. I wondered if Jacob knew how to do a sleep spell. That could be really handy.

After waiting for several minutes I scanned the store and the area in front of it before I left and walked slowly back into the mall. I scanned the immediate area and felt no one of any importance. I still needed to check on the team. No one had tried to communicate with me, so I knew they must all still be asleep. At least I hoped they were only asleep.

I had had to leave them and they were all vulnerable. I didn’t dare try to use the radios. Vampires have acute hearing, if he was anywhere near them, he’d hear the radio and know they were something special. I was glad he had arrived when he did, a minute or two later and Jacob’s spell would have gone off and he would have known who we were. I certainly didn’t want to have to try and take this guy down. I had a feeling he wouldn’t be easy to take. I had never felt a vampire’s power like I had his this evening. It was smooth and heavy, like a big blanket wrapping around you. And that was before he had ever even entered the theater.

In my head I replayed the events as I walked through the mall, I was taken aback by how appealing he looked. Every vamp I had ever dealt with had been sleazy. They were usually bottom of the barrel street trash. Some had acquired money, but they were still street trash. They didn’t make me think about sex. They made me think that there were a lot of creepy people in the world. This man had been gorgeous. He had an air of power to him, and he seemed to just breathe sex appeal. I wondered whom he was and if he was new in town. I wished we had some sort of record of the vamps. It would be a useful tool for those of us in the field, a listing of area vamps. Of course that would never happen. It would only become a hit list. I could just see the bets coming in as people took odds on how long before each vamp screwed up and was killed.

Most of the staff at the Agency really thought vamps should all be killed. A few of us knew better, because we could read their thoughts. But it was a rare talent and so most of the staff tended to think of them as predators that were too dangerous to keep alive. I had a different perspective. I knew they just wanted to be left alone to exist in peace. I didn’t have a problem with that. I figured everyone had their cross to bear, so to speak. After all, I was a psychic and was certainly not welcome amongst average everyday people. Who was I to say vamps were any different? The staff was equally against keeping the shifters alive, but no one would ever say it aloud. Shifters were still alive. Killing them was a lot closer to actual murder.

I glanced at my watch, about fifteen minutes had passed since I had left the theater and I still hadn’t heard from my team. I bought another ticket to the movie and carefully made my way through the concession area. I ‘listened’ to the minds around me, trying to find some clue as to what had happened, but I was coming up empty handed. None of these people had been in that cinema.

I walked slowly down the almost empty corridor to the theater we had been in. There was no sign of anything. Everything looked ordinary, the way it was supposed to look. I opened the door quietly and could hear the movie playing along. I searched the area ahead with my mind to see if the vampires were still there. None. There was a theater full of sleeping customers though. I wondered if there were any movie critics at this showing and what they’d say in their review. Hmm, terribly dull, I fell asleep, and so did the rest of the audience.

I came around the corner intending to walk up the stairs and wake my sleeping partners, but instead, I came face to face with the vamp that had slept them all. He wasn’t even three feet away. I was so startled at his presence I let out a little shriek and stumbled back. I would have fallen backwards down the steps to the front of the theater if he hadn’t reached out and grabbed my arms and pulled me close to him.

A small smile formed on his lips and he whispered, “Gotcha!”


BernardL said...

Very enticing excerpt. I was only uncomfortable with her fleeing the theater, leaving the team at the vampires' whim. She would have no way of knowing whether the vampires would simply team up and kill everyone in the theater or not.

Virginia Lady said...

You have an excellent point, Bernard. I knew I wasn't happy with the story but I wasn't really sure why and I think you may have hit on why. Thanks for your comments.