Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Sample out of one of my current writings

Once on the street, she headed straight for her car which she had parked a block or two away. Once she was locked inside her car, she felt slightly safer, but she knew she needed to get as far away as possible before Dante realized she was gone. He was entirely too interested in her. And she did not need a vampire interested in her.

Morgan sighed deeply in relief as she parked in the garage at her condominium. It seemed as if she was indeed able to evade Dante, at least for now. She’d have to make arrangements for someone else to deliver her jewelry to Paula’s for a while. Paula’s shop is the only connection Dante has to her. Morgan was glad she had the foresight not to mention that she made jewelry. If she had, then all he needed to do was go into Paula’s store and read the display. Her name and telephone and website were all listed on the tag of every piece of jewelry. Now, all he knew was her first name. She wished she had been thinking ahead and had given a false name, but there was nothing to be done about it now.

Morgan usually liked to sit on the balcony overlooking city lights, but tonight she closed the drapes securely and made sure all the doors were locked. Dante had her spooked. He was a little too interested in her and that did not bode well for her health.

She had no idea what myths of vampires were true and what were false. He obviously did have some sort of power of compulsion. She had felt him using it on her. Luckily, it seemed she had some amount of natural defense against it, but that didn’t mean she was immune. And she certainly wasn’t immune to the charms of his body. Just thinking about it was making her hot. It was an odd feeling since she rarely had anything to do with men in a sexual way. It was incredibly difficult to get involved with someone when you could hear their thoughts of all the ways you needed to improve yourself to be their idea of perfect.

After fixing herself some dinner and sorting through her notes from the day. Morgan dressed for bed in her usual long black silk gown. Even if she couldn’t have a man appreciate her, she knew how to appreciate the finer, more feminine things life had to offer. She loved her silks and sexy lingerie, and she wasn’t going to worry about whether there would ever be someone else to appreciate her in them. She flipped off the lights and sank into blissful slumber.

The shrill sound of the telephone startled Morgan awake and as she answered she eyed the clock and was appalled to see it read 3:47 am.

“Hello,” she answered groggily.

Randall anxiously asked, “Are you okay?”

“Randall, do you have any idea what time it is?” she asked in a very tired but annoyed voice.

“Of course, but I just got your message and you sounded distressed. I thought it best not to wait and to call you right away,” he answered reasonably. (Author's note: Morgan had earlier left voice mail messages for Randall)

Morgan shook her head, realizing he really didn’t see anything wrong with calling her in the middle of the night. She decided to have a little fun with him while learning what she could.

“Randall,” she asked in a sly voice, “know any vampires?”

There was an obvious pause, and Morgan knew that he did.

“I do,” she continued in a slight taunting lilt.

“I’ll be right there,” he said firmly and hung up.

Morgan rolled over and sighed. It seemed like she would be getting company. She wondered at his reaction a bit though. He seemed upset, more than she would have thought given that he had never mentioned the existence of vampires before. If he were worried about her, she would have thought he would have warned her before now. She pulled out the matching silk robe and tied it about the waist before finding the marabou slippers that completed the look. As she was slipping them on, the doorbell rang.

Morgan’s eyes widened. He got there too fast. It hadn’t even been five minutes since he hung up and he lived a good twenty minutes away. She realized he must have shifted and ran over. It told her he was really worried. She checked the peephole just in case, and sure enough, a large wolf was sitting in front of the door.

Morgan unlocked the door and let him in, making sure to lock it behind him before going into the bedroom for a change of clothes for Randall. As she came back out with the jeans and a t-shirt, Randall was striding towards her. He stopped in front of her and began sniffing her neck and shoulders intensely.

With a slight laugh, Morgan said, “If I had known you were going to do this, I would have let you do it as a wolf. I’m sure it is more effective that way.”

Randall frowned, “I didn’t want to scare you. Where did he touch you?”

“Who said it was a he?” Moran asked, curious about his mood. He was much more serious than she had ever seen him.

Randall continued to sniff down her arms and replied, “You wouldn’t be here if it had been a woman.”

Morgan blanched at that thought. He was serious. She slid her injured foot out of the slipper and lifted it up, “He was touching my foot last.”

Randall bent down and held her foot in both of his hands as he thoroughly sniffed the entire thing.

Morgan decided this was definitely the weirdest thing she had ever experienced.

Randall set her foot down and bowed his head briefly before rising and really looking at Morgan’s attire. “I know he’s not here now. Was he here? Or were you expecting him and he didn’t show?” His tone was even, no censure, no accusation.

Morgan’s eyes flashed fire and hurt as she replied, “Drop dead, Randall. I ditched him in Old Town.”

At that Randall’s eyes widened. “You ‘ditched’ him?! You ‘ditched’ Dante?!”

Morgan backed away from Randall as she read the shock and fear he was projecting. She had managed to rebuild her defenses but once he had touched her she was weakened enough to easily read his thoughts. He was horrified at what she had done, but was also proud of her. He seemed to hold Dante in a very respected position. He feared him and his powers, and he was pleased she had managed to get away from Dante apparently unscathed.

“Well, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and I couldn’t think of how I was going to avoid telling him where I lived. He seemed intent on becoming my close personal friend. I really didn’t want that.” Morgan said reasonably before practically yelling, “And why didn’t you tell me that there were vampires!”

Randall’s eyes showed the guilt he was feeling, but he only said, “Let’s get you packed. You need to get out of here as soon as possible.” And he began steering her into the bedroom to begin the task.

Morgan let him push her along, but she sat down on the edge of the bed instead of packing and said, “I am not running away for a few days. It will solve nothing and I have a business to run.”

Randall pulled a large case out of the closet and replied, “No, you aren’t going for a few days. You are going permanently. Now get dressed. I’ll drive you to Richmond and you can catch a flight from there.” He continued over to the dresser and began removing items to place them into the suitcase.

Morgan’s mouth dropped open at his words. “You can’t possibly be serious. I can’t just move! This is my home, Randall. My whole livelihood is here. Dante doesn’t even know my last name. I‘ll just avoid Old Town for a while.”

Randall continued to fill the case and replied, “Your livelihood won’t matter if you’re dead and Dante won’t stop until he finds you. He’ll pick up your scent and follow it to wherever you happen to be.”

“I thought the whole scent thing was just for wolves.”

“No, sweetheart, he made sure he sampled yours and that you had his on you. How do you think I knew it was Dante?”

Morgan cringed a bit at that. “Maybe he’s the only vampire around here,” she ventured hesitantly, already knowing that wasn’t the case. Randall was scared for her. He was trying to protect her from Dante.

Randall gave her a skeptical look at that. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about them, but they usually keep to themselves and you aren’t usually out on the streets in the evenings. When you do manage to drag your butt out at night, you’re usually with me. I know where to avoid.”





In case anyone ever reads this, please feel free to comment. Thanks.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

This is what I would do:

Once on the street, she headed straight for her car, a block or two away. Locked inside her car, she felt slightly safer. Not safe enough unless she was as far away as possible before Dante realized she was gone.

[instead of telling us he was too interested in her, write of how he controlled her by his powerful/intense being/nature]He was entirely too interested in her.

[use metaphors that tie in vampires with his dark personality]And she did not need a vampire interested in her.

[the verb tense needs to remain the same throughout your literary work to keep fluidity and thought] Morgan sighed deeply in relief as she parked in the garage at her condominium. It seemed as if she was indeed able to evade Dante, at least for now. She’d have to make arrangements for someone else to deliver her jewelry to Paula’s for a while [this seems to be missing some reference, but could add to the plot somehow when better tied in]. Paula’s shop is the only connection Dante has to her [vague reference, maybe a better idea to speak from Morgan's perspective instead of as a outsider, otherwise, very good].

Morgan was glad she had the foresight not to mention that she made jewelry. If she had, then all he needed to do was go into Paula’s store and read the display. Her name and telephone and website were all listed on the tag of every piece of jewelry. [nice description...could make it more forthcoming by making it more of a snapshot in reader's minds by making it more like a scene of his character forshadowing finding her contact information--makes it powerful]

Now, all he knew was her first name. She wished she had been thinking ahead and had given a false name, but there was nothing to be done about it now. [good contrast]

Morgan usually liked to sit on the balcony overlooking city lights, but tonight she closed the drapes securely and made sure all the doors were locked. Dante had her spooked. He was a little too interested in her and that did not bode well for her health. [you need to transition from previous scenario of being in jewelry store into Morgan being in her home, alone, and trying to shut any part of Dante to make her find peace inside her own personal living space]

She had no idea what myths of vampires were true and what were false. He obviously did have some sort of power of compulsion. She had felt him using it on her. Luckily, it seemed she had some amount of natural defense against it, but that didn’t mean she was immune. And she certainly wasn’t immune to the charms of his body. Just thinking about it was making her hot. It was an odd feeling since she rarely had anything to do with men in a sexual way. It was incredibly difficult to get involved with someone when you could hear their thoughts of all the ways you needed to improve yourself to be their idea of perfect. [I like the draw of the darkness of vampires upon Morgan's being...speaks of evil vs good on some level...kind of virginal just like the best target for a vampires feast. This helps give story and foundation to why Morgan is feeling the uneasiness too]

After fixing herself some dinner and sorting through her notes from the day. Morgan dressed for bed in her usual long black silk gown. Even if she couldn’t have a man appreciate her, she knew how to appreciate the finer, more feminine things life had to offer. She loved her silks and sexy lingerie, and she wasn’t going to worry about whether there would ever be someone else to appreciate her in them. She flipped off the lights and sank into blissful slumber. [I like how you portray Morgan's sex appeal, but keeping inline with the virginal vs vampire story, it might be a good thing to keep her unwittingly aware of her buddening beauty/sexuality.]

The shrill sound of the telephone startled Morgan awake and as she answered she eyed the clock and was appalled to see it read 3:47 am.

“Hello,” she answered groggily.

Randall anxiously asked, “Are you okay?”

“Randall, do you have any idea what time it is?” she asked in a very tired but annoyed voice.

“Of course, but I just got your message and you sounded distressed. I thought it best not to wait and to call you right away,” he answered reasonably. (Author's note: Morgan had earlier left voice mail messages for Randall)

Morgan shook her head, realizing he really didn’t see anything wrong with calling her in the middle of the night. She decided to have a little fun with him while learning what she could. [I would eliminate this out of the story...seems unneeded]

“Randall,” she asked in a sly [maybe coy is a better choice of word]
voice, “know any vampires?” There was an obvious pause, and Morgan knew that he did. “I do,” she continued in a slight taunting lilt. [keep this together, to keep the thought fluid and leave reader dangling]

“I’ll be right there,” he said firmly and hung up. [very good. good break and leaves reader thinking what can happen next...is he coming to help a damsel in distress or what?]

{Morgan rolled over and sighed. It seemed like she would be getting company. She wondered at his reaction a bit though. He seemed upset, more than she would have thought given that he had never mentioned the existence of vampires before. If he were worried about her, she would have thought he would have warned her before now.} <---remove this

She pulled out the matching silk robe and tied it about the waist before finding the marabou slippers that completed the look.[maybe better to write, "Lost in thought, she fumbled with the silky black robe that clung to her like that darkness that invaded her peace. Frazzled, she slipped on her marabou slippers."]

{doorbell rings---italicized.}
--------------
I am tired, but will return to this post on another day. Good job with what I have read and commented. I appreciate your cunning thought and storyline.

Melissa
______________

Morgan’s eyes widened. He got there too fast. It hadn’t even been five minutes since he hung up and he lived a good twenty minutes away. She realized he must have shifted and ran over. It told her he was really worried. She checked the peephole just in case, and sure enough, a large wolf was sitting in front of the door.

Morgan unlocked the door and let him in, making sure to lock it behind him before going into the bedroom for a change of clothes for Randall. As she came back out with the jeans and a t-shirt, Randall was striding towards her. He stopped in front of her and began sniffing her neck and shoulders intensely.

With a slight laugh, Morgan said, “If I had known you were going to do this, I would have let you do it as a wolf. I’m sure it is more effective that way.”

Randall frowned, “I didn’t want to scare you. Where did he touch you?”

“Who said it was a he?” Moran asked, curious about his mood. He was much more serious than she had ever seen him.

Randall continued to sniff down her arms and replied, “You wouldn’t be here if it had been a woman.”

Morgan blanched at that thought. He was serious. She slid her injured foot out of the slipper and lifted it up, “He was touching my foot last.”

Randall bent down and held her foot in both of his hands as he thoroughly sniffed the entire thing.

Morgan decided this was definitely the weirdest thing she had ever experienced.

Randall set her foot down and bowed his head briefly before rising and really looking at Morgan’s attire. “I know he’s not here now. Was he here? Or were you expecting him and he didn’t show?” His tone was even, no censure, no accusation.

Morgan’s eyes flashed fire and hurt as she replied, “Drop dead, Randall. I ditched him in Old Town.”

At that Randall’s eyes widened. “You ‘ditched’ him?! You ‘ditched’ Dante?!”

Morgan backed away from Randall as she read the shock and fear he was projecting. She had managed to rebuild her defenses but once he had touched her she was weakened enough to easily read his thoughts. He was horrified at what she had done, but was also proud of her. He seemed to hold Dante in a very respected position. He feared him and his powers, and he was pleased she had managed to get away from Dante apparently unscathed.

“Well, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and I couldn’t think of how I was going to avoid telling him where I lived. He seemed intent on becoming my close personal friend. I really didn’t want that.” Morgan said reasonably before practically yelling, “And why didn’t you tell me that there were vampires!”

Randall’s eyes showed the guilt he was feeling, but he only said, “Let’s get you packed. You need to get out of here as soon as possible.” And he began steering her into the bedroom to begin the task.

Morgan let him push her along, but she sat down on the edge of the bed instead of packing and said, “I am not running away for a few days. It will solve nothing and I have a business to run.”

Randall pulled a large case out of the closet and replied, “No, you aren’t going for a few days. You are going permanently. Now get dressed. I’ll drive you to Richmond and you can catch a flight from there.” He continued over to the dresser and began removing items to place them into the suitcase.

Morgan’s mouth dropped open at his words. “You can’t possibly be serious. I can’t just move! This is my home, Randall. My whole livelihood is here. Dante doesn’t even know my last name. I‘ll just avoid Old Town for a while.”

Randall continued to fill the case and replied, “Your livelihood won’t matter if you’re dead and Dante won’t stop until he finds you. He’ll pick up your scent and follow it to wherever you happen to be.”

“I thought the whole scent thing was just for wolves.”

“No, sweetheart, he made sure he sampled yours and that you had his on you. How do you think I knew it was Dante?”

Morgan cringed a bit at that. “Maybe he’s the only vampire around here,” she ventured hesitantly, already knowing that wasn’t the case. Randall was scared for her. He was trying to protect her from Dante.

Randall gave her a skeptical look at that. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about them, but they usually keep to themselves and you aren’t usually out on the streets in the evenings. When you do manage to drag your butt out at night, you’re usually with me. I know where to avoid.”





In case anyone ever reads this, please feel free to comment. Thanks.

posted by Virginia Lady | 8:48 PM | 0 comments
Monday, August 07, 2006
Part of a recent writing

Here is a short bit from a story I've been writing lately. Let me know what you think.

I glanced about the crowded mall as I rode down the escalator, briefly scanning the occasional interesting looking person. My eyes and interest halted abruptly when I saw a tall, blonde man who was impeccably dressed in a tailored suit. He was gorgeous! I took a moment to appreciate him. He was very tall, at least a head taller than the people around him, and he had blonde hair that curled slightly at his collar. There was something about him that made him stand out from the crowd. I just couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was. He was talking with a few other people just inside a restaurant on the first floor.

I decided to eavesdrop on his thoughts for a bit and was stunned when I could hear him suddenly and silently ask “Who? Where?” as a curious look appeared on his face and he turned to find who was poking about in his head.

I realized at that same instant that he was a vampire. He had a completely different mind signature. That also meant it was after dark. Damn! I should have checked the time earlier.

He smiled wryly and silently asked, “Yes, I am. Now, where might you be?” But as he finished the thought, his eyes locked with mine. “Ah, lovely,” he thought approvingly with a sexy smile and began moving through the crowd to the escalator.

“Uh oh,” I thought, scared to death, “I’m out of here.”

“Wait!” he called, but I shut down my mind to close out any further contact and ran down the remaining steps of the escalator. I needed to get away as quickly as possible. I knew I needed to stay away from vampires and I hadn’t ever really been that concerned about it. When I had been growing up, my parents had told me vampires and other creatures really did exist, but that most people still thought they were only a work of fiction and movies. I had no problem with the idea, but I had never seen or heard of one except from my parents. I had had my doubts. Those doubts were rapidly disintegrating.

posted by Virginia Lady | 9:59 AM | 0 comments
Sunday, August 06, 2006

Social time is important and I tend to neglect that need in my every day routine. I always feel cleansed and refreshed after a day or evening or afternoon spent hanging with friends. No agendas, no pressures, just hanging out. There is a sense of release associated with that downtime. A new clarity opens my mind to other possibilities that have gotten lost in the minutia of the everyday grind.

I've awoken on this new day with a bubbling fountain of story bits. Now I need to sort through them and place them where they belong. My challenge is in trying to write them down fast enough before they dissolve or transform further. The images are random and chaotic, but they are solid, for now. So now is when I will transcribe them.

posted by Virginia Lady | 10:52 AM | 0 comments
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The First Post

Well, I finally decided to create my own blog. It seems that it's the thing to do these days. Everyone who's on line is bloggin and IMing, so I figured I'd step into cyberspace with a blog of my own.

Random thoughts that cross my mind on occassion and perhaps bits of short stories that seem to force their way out of my imagination on a regular basis are probably what you'll see here. No doubt there will be comments of my family life, since I am the mother to three VERY individual boys. Sometimes I may comment on the collection of automobiles that we own and show. I will most definitely comment on the cars that I wish I owned. Hey, a girl has a right to dream, right? Not sure if I'll post anything about my Tupperware business or not, but then, now I have, so it's out there.

We'll see if anyone finds my writing interesting enough to bother to read. I've never understood people's interest in the personal thoughts of others, but then, I have way too many things to do trying to figure out my three sons and their father. They keep me relatively well occupied with their needs, wants, etc.

Anyway, welcome to my blog. I hope it amuses, entertains, educates, interests, and/or enlightens you.

posted by Virginia Lady | 1:15 PM | 0 comments